My feelings a year later

This night 2 years ago began the worst 48 hours of my life (and many others) I have never really put into words what I felt in those 48 hours mainly because really I have never been able to find the words to describe it. I will tell you I watched alot of sons of anarchy (which for me was out of the norm) bc I don't like that type of thing, I had many converstaions which were mainly with myself but I got a few laughs out of him. I stayed up for 2 days straight, I prayed that Willie would just fall asleep if it was God's will for him to come home, but then I prayed for God to please intervene,give us one more Christmas, that was Willie's favorite holiday and mine & Keegan's bc we knew every year we would get Bath & Body works baskets, we loved them and he loved giving them to us! Just one more birthday, but that was for my own selfish reasons, because there were many things I hadn't said and wanted to and by this point he wouldn't understand, he just wanted someone to sit with him. I prayed oh how I prayed, but I knew that it was starting to be out of my control, it was much bigger than any human could fix. It was hard seeing such a big strong man who always had something smart to say turn into this very soft spoken man, who made sure he told us several times a day that he loved us. I can't believe that it has been a year since I got a hug which was always a very tight uncomfortable squeeze bc willie was so strong, you would almost cringe bc it hurt, but I miss those hugs, he left us that night and as much as I prayed for him to stay I knew it's what had to be. I just hope that our I love you's were enough and that he knew we were never going to give up on him, I would have sit in the hospital room everyday for the rest of my life if thats what it took, but that wasn't fair to him. It was a long 2 nights, much of it I don't remember which is probably a blessing bc I'm sure it was the most empty feeling I have felt in my life thus far. A year has passed and I've learned alot, I've probably also driven people crazy with my sunscreen speeches but I promise you it's only because I never want to witness that type of despair again, or for anyone else to. I ask that you all will pray for me that I can get up and say the things I want to say without making a mess of it. Sometimes I wish I could put into words the things I saw just so people would understand why I am such a Melanoma advocate but there is something inside me that just won't let it come out...maybe it's best that way, but the one thing I got out of the whole ordeal was never leave anything unsaid bc the things I wanted to say I just couldn't because to me it felt like if I said them that meant I was giving up on him, and I never wanted him to think that! Ill end there and hope that these words help someone else who maybe going through the same thing.

I just wanted to let everyone know that I am going to be in Springfield next weekend to try and plan some small fundraisers, and to go and solicit sponsors as well. If there are any of you who would like to help or know a potential sponsor please let me know. You can email me at Kelbi@AIMatMelnoma.org,If I get several people who would like to come we may have it at a like panera bread or something casual, so please if you would like to we would love to have you! Also I do have one quote in on tshirts, and Willie's brother is finishing the design so I will have details on that within the next day!If any of you have ideas, or thoughts please don't be afraid to shoot me an email--I'll take anything I can get :)

Great News! Yeah we are up and running, some minor changes to be made, but you may now register to participate in the run/walk!!!! http://www.aimatmelanoma.org/aim-for-action/1158/1159.html scroll down to the Springfield icon and click! Tell all your friends, bring as many as you can. Also be on the lookout for some dining out nights where proceeds will benefit AIM, We will also be trying to get some T-shirts that we can sell for a fundraiser, so be on the lookout! For all of you who will be coming from out of town if you will email me and let me know I will work on trying to maybe get a hotel to block off some rooms for a cheaper rate, that way everyone can stay at same place. my email is Kelbi@AIMatMelanoma.org Please contact me with any questions! Hope to see all of you there!!

Introduction

Hi, My name is Kelbi. I am creating this blog for all of you who are not on Facebook. I am not a writer, quite frankly I think I am bad at it :) However I am going to do this to keep you all up to date on what is going on. Most of you know my step-dad (Willie) was diagnosed with Stage 3 Melanoma in May of 2007, he began treatment immediatley, in May of 2008 he recieved an all clear, but with Melanoma the chance of recurrence is great, so he continued follow up appointments. In January of 2009 he was told it had spread to distant lymphnodes, and possibly under his lung, we had no time we had to find something. He tried one drug-when no signs of regression showed, we began looking for anything that would work-I mean anything. I spent alot of time researching what had shown some possibility of even touching this disease in someone who was at this late stage. He began a two-drug treatment, and still nothing, took 2 rounds of radiation, and nothing was seeming to work. Willie fought a valliant battle, one that he would lose on September 11, 2009. Fast forward, I have never been so passionate about getting rid of something in my life! Alot of people I talk to about say oh my gosh, I didn't know skin cancer could spread (and honestly I didn't know until I worked for a Dermatologist-and it was while I worked there that Willie was diagnosed--I knew immediatley how serious it was. Melanoma is under researched, and is one of the fastest growing Cancers there are! That is why I am currently in the process of planning a 5k run in Springfield on Sept 11, 2010. I will be posting updates as I have them, and will post links to the foundation I am working with, where you will be able to register to participate, create a fundraising page, and help me in this fight to find something to stop this disease! We need your help! Please email me with any questions, ideas, or if you would like to volunteer to help with this event!